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A recent incident in Singapore involving a 73-year-old man, a young girl and her father has sparked discussion about children’s personal boundaries, parental reactions and how adults manage conflict.
According to media reports, the elderly man had reportedly patted the young girl on the head because he found her adorable. Her father became upset, a confrontation followed, and the elderly man was allegedly shoved and fell to the ground. Police investigations are ongoing, so there may be further information about what happened.
Rather than focusing only on who was right or wrong, the incident raises a useful question for parents:
What do our children learn from watching us respond when a boundary has been crossed?
A hug or pat may be meant kindly, but a child may not welcome it. Children need to know that their comfort matters and that they can speak up when someone enters their personal space.
Adults can help by asking before offering physical affection and respecting a child’s answer. Parents can also practise simple phrases with their children, such as “No, thank you,” “Please stop,” or “I don’t like being touched.” Rehearsing these words at home can make them easier to use when a child feels uncomfortable.
If someone touches a child and the child or parent is uneasy, a parent can step in:
“Please don’t touch my child. She isn’t comfortable with that.”
This sets a clear boundary while showing the child how to respond firmly. Children learn from what we do in difficult moments, especially when we are worried or angry.
It can help to talk about the difference between three responses:
Children can learn two important lessons together: “My boundaries matter” and “I can speak up without hurting someone.” When parents model this, they give children a practical example to follow.
Would your child benefit from support with emotional regulation or social communication? Contact CHEERS to discuss a consultation or suitable programme.
Cheers Learning