What Does Success Look Like for a Child with Different Needs?

I recently watched an interview with MP Denise Phua, who spoke as an advocate and as a mother of an adult son with autism. Her reflections made me think about a question many families face: How do we define success for our children?

We often picture a familiar path: good grades, university, a job and independence. These are understandable hopes. But a child whose development follows a different path may be working towards goals that matter just as much.

Success might be travelling independently, ordering a meal, telling someone “I need help” or managing a difficult emotion. It could mean making a friend, finding meaningful activity or learning a new skill that makes everyday life easier.

Some children need more time and support to reach these milestones. Turning 18 does not mean their opportunity to learn has ended. Nor does needing support diminish the value of what they achieve.

As parents and professionals, we can ask a more useful question than “Why isn’t this child keeping up?”:

What is the next meaningful step for this child?

That step may look small to someone else. To the child and family, it may open the door to greater choice, connection or independence. Over time, those steps help shape a life with dignity and belonging.

Children do not all need to reach the same milestones on the same timeline. We can recognise their progress while continuing to offer the support they need.

Different does not mean less.